tl;dr HP broke my new machine and is refusing to make good on their warranty.

Within days of receiving my HP, I had to use their online tech support to resolve a problem with the tablet's SIM card slot not functioning properly. After four hours of waiting, their tech came on and rooted around in my device for another four hours. At the end of this, he informed me that my OS was corrupt and tried to sell me a recovery key.

Eventually, I convinced him to send me the key without my having to pay for it. Remember, my device was only a few days old at this point. After a lengthy wait, I received the key and tried it multiple times. No cigar - my machine was still dead.

I got in touch with tech support again, and this time they sent an agent over to look at the laptop. After a couple of hours, he confessed he could not fix it and took it back with him.

Some time later, HP called and told me that my machine had a faulty motherboard. I thought they would repair or replace it and that would be it, but instead they were to annoy me with weeks of useless action.

Finally, they got back to me and said that they did not have the parts to repair my device and would like to replace the motherboard with a downgrade. Incredible. I of course rejected this and insisted that they repair it properly, replace this with a new machine of the same model, or give me a motherboard upgrade rather than downgrade. Again, fair enough, yes? They'd already eaten up months of my warranty at this point but I decided not to be upset about that.

Sadly, they are now telling me that all my suggestions have been rejected. What made me finally blow my top was when HP said that my machine was more than 15 days old now and so was no longer eligible for a replacement. They are in fact helping me by offering to repair it.

Enough is enough, HP! I have lost all trust in your company and will do my best to prevent others from being cheated by you like this.